


SUKI SUKI HANAMARU

by venialis



Series: うたのプリンスさまっ！MYプリンセスっ！ [6]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: F/M, Firsts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, It's for the sake of Plot, Online Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25875388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venialis/pseuds/venialis
Summary: (Natsuki/Reader)Basically, a series of Firsts
Relationships: Shinomiya Natsuki/Reader
Series: うたのプリンスさまっ！MYプリンセスっ！ [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884748
Kudos: 12





	SUKI SUKI HANAMARU

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt I've gotten from my friend is sheep. So... Yeah. Fluffs.
> 
> Also, as you've seen in the summary, it's that.  
> And I've gotten real lazy to fish an excerpt as a summary.
> 
> I put it teen and up cuz there's angst and online friendship is included, but I believe there are also teen and below audiences but whatever, have fun I guess?

** First Text **

You were bored. Very, very bored. Bored to the point you’ll pull off the same stunt by Cumberbatch’s Sherlock, aka firing bullets at the wall. Just because. You’re bored. bORED.

You whimpered and tossed and turned in your bed, suffering from your insomnia. Normally, you would’ve been stressed out and irritable from being unable to sleep. But now? You’re just staring blankly at the glow-in-the-dark stars that were stuck on your ceiling.

_ Fuck it. _ You rolled to the other side of the bed and pulled out your phone, downloaded some random app that pairs you with random people to have random conversations. You never wanted to resort to this but if the universe was strongly against you from having a night’s sleep, might as well use that time to do something else. Like disturbing someone else’s sleep.

You clicked into the app and did some personality tests that were in it, so that it could match you with people of compatible personalities. Yeah right as if anyone who’s compatible would be awake at this ungodly hour of… Your eyes moved up to the top bar and… Howdy it was 3:57am. Yeah. Ungodly hour.

Your phone then let out a buzz. It was a push notification, informing you that they’ve found you a match. You clicked into it and almost lost it, because that guy’s name was Moon Moon.  _ Moon freaking Moon! _ You wheezed as you typed a message.  _ “Hey, I like your username. Nice to meet you UwU” _

The reply from the other person came soon after.  _ “I like yours too!” _

You couldn’t help but to twitch your lips upwards. This guy’s fun. Losing a night’s sleep to meet this guy may actually be worth it.

*

Few days ago, Natsuki had an episode of being unable to fall asleep, so he ransacked the kitchen and it increased Syo’s anger meter.

“Seriously? I told you not to take that much sugar in the day and you didn’t listen to me!”

Natsuki pouted. “I was hungry and cookies were the only food available…”

Syo looked like he wanted to cry. “For god's sake Natsuki. Those are props and you ate them up…”

“Sorry…”

Syo sighed and signalled Natsuki to pass him his phone. “Not my phone. Your phone, Natsuki.”

Natsuki passed the other phone. “Why do you want my phone?”

“To install some games for you to waste your time.” In the midst of yawning, Syo keyed in some wrong letters and the app store downloaded some anonymous chatting app instead of a gaming app. But the short blonde didn’t notice and passed the phone back to him before wobbling back into his room to sleep.

“Chatting app? Okay.”

And today, Natsuki woke up too early with his schedule messing up his biological clock. Having no choice, he clicked into the app and muddled around with his profile. He recently saw a meme on Picking Your Wolf Name, and he was immediately attracted to Moon Moon. “That would do!” And set it as his new username.

He scrolled around and found someone who’s awake to chat. “(Username)…” He chuckled at how unique your username sounded as it was a food pun. “She may be fun to chat with.”

And he was right. You were fun, quirky and…

Hungry.

You were up in the kitchen at four something to make breakfast and matched it with sake. Not that he had any objections, but that was a questionable pairing, even for him. _ “Are you sure you want to drink sake before going to work?” _

_ “Lmao who said that I’m gonna go to work? I’m stayin’ at home cuz I can.” _

Natsuki smiled.  _ “Alright! All the best!” _

_ “Thanks!! You too!! Also, I don’t have work because it’s my off day today! Thank goodness it’s a Saturday so I can royally screw up my sleep schedule.” _

Ahh… So it’s Saturday. Natsuki looked at his calendar, realizing how much he had disassociated with regular working days. He turned back to his phone to type a reply before heading into the kitchen to create more distress for Syo.

_ “Enjoy your breakfast and have a nice sleep later, (Username)-chan!” _

Thanks to you, Natsuki had a great mood throughout the whole day. Of all the random people he had chatted with, you were different. You were on that platform just because you wanted to chat and share memes, and he was glad that his username entertained you. He had a feeling that things would only be better from then onward.

* * *

**First Chat**

After nights of chatting with this guy, you realized the only thing meme-y was his name. The rest? Fluff. This guy’s entire being was just a pile of fluff, warmth and gentleness. The total opposite of you. And you found yourself weirdly attracted to him, not that you have anything against it.

In fact, you have nothing against it and everything for it. You realized your wild, rowdy nature had miraculously toned down when you texted him, and he had this healing property in him, where your anger and pain would be soothed the moment you text him.

It was also fun to see what he had in surprise for you. Sometimes it would be a handwritten short message, or a random cloud that reminded him of a creampuff. He would also send pictures of desserts he made and you immediately had your competing streak lit up. You couldn’t really cook but desserts had been the only thing you managed to not screw up. Soon, you whipped out Actual Creampuffs, took pictures of it and sent it back.

One  ~~ fine day in the middle of the ~~ night, you got so famished and woke up to whip up whatever you could. You found some flour and remaining ingredients from your previous baking sessions and decided that cookies would be nice. And wasting no time, you got to work.

With your skills and the God of Desserts by your side, you pulled out a batch of fresh, perfect cookies from the oven. You were close to tears at the sight of those pure babies and for a moment, you weren’t willing to eat them as they were so purrrfect!

Still, your stomach objected to it, and you had no choice but to feed on them. But of course, your phone would be taking pictures of those cookies at their best moment. You took approximately ten pictures and you fished out the best two and sent them to Moon Moon.

“Right, sent.” You checked for the tick that symbolized the pictures were sent. You held the largest cookie in your hand and rested your chin in the other. “Bon appetit, oh precious chocolate butterscotch cookie.”

*

Natsuki just came home from a radio recording when his phone received a notification. Syo was pretty surprised to hear the ringtone. “Who’s sending you messages at this hour?”

The taller man looked at his phone and smiled at the sight of your username. “A new friend.”

“Wow,” Syo was surprised, “Since when did you get a new friend?”

“Since you downloaded the new app on my phone.”

“App? What app are we talking about?” Syo frowned. “I downloaded a game for you, not an app.”

Natsuki looked at Syo with a puzzled look. “You downloaded an anonymous chatting app on my phone a few weeks ago.” And he pointed at the round looking icon on his screen.

“What the –” Syo bit his tongue before he could continue. “How did I? Wait…” Syo pulled the phone closer and saw that the app had a few characters different from the game he wanted to download. “Okay. My fault.”

“Hmm?”

Syo sighed. “Nevermind. Just remember to keep your idol identity a secret so that no one will try to scam you.”

“They’ll probably think the opposite.”

“True.” Syo yawned and entered his room. “Remember to sleep, Natsuki. Good night.”

Natsuki walked to his room after the nightly greeting and clicked into the image you sent. And he immediately pouted.

“How mean…” He mumbled, and he clicked on the voice call icon.

*

Your phone buzzed. You arched your eyebrows, wondering who would be in their right mind to call at 2 in the morning. Picking up your phone, you glanced at the caller and it was Moon Moon requesting for a voice call. Pleasantly surprised, you answered it. “Hewwo?” And nommed on the cookie.

“(Username)-chan!! That’s so cruel of you to be sending such pictures at this time!”

You almost choked on your cookie. Almost. But you still coughed and reached out for the glass of cold milk you poured out for yourself. I mean, what’s cookies without milk, right?

That’s not the point, tho. The point is that you never expected Moon Moon to sound… Like that, like… Like an angel. Not only this guy’s personality is a huge pile of fluff, but his voice too, sounds like feathers embracing your heart. Urgh. Unfair. How does a guy sound so fluffy when you sound like… A literal mess.

“(Username)-chan? You alright?” Moon Moon asked, his gentle voice laced with worry.

You swallowed the cookie and made sure no crumbs were left to irritate your throat further before answering to the person on the other side of the call. “I’m fine.” You then pick up another cookie and bit into it, making sure the crunch could be heard from the other end.

“NoooOOO! Why are you doing this to me?! I wanna eat too!”

You could no longer hold in your chuckle. “If I could I would’ve mailed it to you, but they’re fated to be gone by the morning, victims to my hunger.”

“Poor cookies. At least they served their life’s purpose.”

You snickered. “To feed the Demon Lord. Muahahahahaha.”

“Hey, don’t talk about yourself like that?” The excitement in his voice dropped a bit. “You’re really a nice girl, and if anything I’d say you’re closer to an angel instead of a demon lord.”

A smile crawled up your face as you kinda felt your cheeks starting to burn up. You pursed your lips so that it would not be heard through whatever you were going to say next. “Really? What sort of angel do you think I would be?”

After a moment of pause, he replied slowly, “A guardian angel.”

*

Natsuki couldn’t fall back to sleep. He had no idea if it was the conversation that made him awake, or was it you that made him lose his sleep. Still, it didn’t help the fact that he couldn’t fall asleep.

It probably was your voice, so full of vigour and confidence; or was it your strange twist on humour? It may also be your pet cat who looks after your plant more than you do; or could it be what you’ve said, being a demon instead of an angel; or maybe it was the cookies, they sound crunchy and delicious. “Hnnggg now I want cookies….”

He flipped his phone out, looked at the picture you sent for a while, and went to the kitchen to fish out the ingredients. It’s the universe guiding him to make cookies and nothing was going to stop him.

“NATSUKI I SAID GO TO SLEEP!!”

If anything, Natsuki told himself, Syo would be more likely to be the Demon Lord right now, stopping him from finding love in cookies.

“NATSUKI!”

“Eep!”

* * *

**First Look**

You came home from work in a bad mood. Terrible, horrible mood. The whole thing triggered your fight or flight response and you were damn close to quitting and forfeiting your effort for years. Yes, you were that close to flushing your hard work of years down the drain.

The more you thought about it, the more upset you got. And those feelings were overwhelming you to the point you broke down waiting for the last train. You frantically wiped away your tears when the train arrived and boarded it, smudging your makeup along the way.

“I hope you will be able to find hope and happiness even in the midst of pain, and here’s a song for you! Suki Suki Hanamaru!”

You looked up to the small screen above you and saw Shinomiya Natsuki, a member from the hit idol group STARISH performing his new single. You had no idea whether it was his words that caught your attention, or was it his voice. But either way, you had yourself in tears again as the lyrics hit your heart.

“自分を信じてごらん？ほら、勇気出して~”

Your pride had brought you far, and you broke down sobbing in the empty carriage, finding peace in the song that was playing.

You managed to pull yourself into the shower once you reached home, got yourself warm and clean before you throw yourself onto your bed. You picked up your phone to text your favourite moon. But you looked at the textbox and had no idea what to type, or how to convey your current drop in feelings. You switched to the audio option and… Still had no idea what to say.

In a fit of frustration and negative emotions building up, you tapped your phone without looking and flung it at your pillow, proceeding to curl up and sobbed, hoping that you could somehow fall asleep as soon as your body allowed.

*

Natsuki was lying on his bed with his phone in his hands. You’d normally be online by now, but there was not a single message from you. It was reaching midnight and the last train had passed, yet there were still no signs of you.

“I wonder if (Username)-chan is alright…”

As he was mumbling to himself the various, possible situations you may be facing, your profile icon lit up and it showed that you were typing. Natsuki’s eyes lit up with it and waited for your message.

And you were still typing.

“Hmm? Her typing speed is rather quick, so why is she taking so long?” Natsuki rested his chin on his pillow. “I hope she’s not typing an entire paragraph on her new take on –”

He stopped his monologue midway because there was a call request. A video call request. From you.

Natsuki stood up and went to the mirror to brush the few strands of hair that were bouncing on his head before returning to his desk, making sure he was presentable before answering your call.

He clicked “Accept Call”, but what he saw was some dim light and weird shapes, no sight of you.

Your sobs were the next thing that greeted him.

And he could hear his heart drop.

“(Username)-chan?”

*

You stopped your sobbings to hear for the source of the sound. Was the sound real or was it a recording looping in your head? You had no idea.

“(Username)-chan, are you alright?”

Okay it was real. You crawled to your pillow and reached for your phone. When you pulled it towards you and the first words you said before dropping your phone again were “Oh crap.”

Because it was a video call.

And it was Shinomiya Natsuki on the other side.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Moon Moon is Shinomiya Natsuki.

Shinomiya Natsuki is Moon Moon.

Oh fuck.

*

Natsuki was perplexed. Sorta. He had no idea why you reacted like that and dropped your phone.

“She looked like she saw a ghost…” He mumbled to himself and looked at his reflection from the phone screen. His skin wasn’t pale, his eyes were normal, nothing about him was weird so… Why did you react that way?

“(Username)-chan, are you still there?”

*

“Wait,” you mentally stopped yourself to rearrange your thoughts. You never picked up any calls, so why would there be a Shinomiya Natsuki looking at you?

That’s when realization dawned on you that it was you who called him instead of him calling you. And you’re still leaving him on hang.

You picked up the phone and the first thing you did was to apologize profusely, namely dogeza on the bed with the phone in front of you. “I’m so so sorry for video calling you accidentally I didn’t mean to do so I was having a bad day and wanted to drop a voice message but I couldn’t think of what to say so I just fling my phone somewhere and it hit the video call button I’m so so sorry I didn’t know it and I really didn’t mean to cause you trouble PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!”

Surprisingly,  Moon Moon Natsuki understood your entire word dump and gave you a few moments to catch your breath. Once your breathing stabilized, he replied, “What is there for me to forgive you about?”

You blinked. Once, and then twice. “Uh… For kinda ignoring you when I saw it’s you?” And you caught on to how wrong you worded your sentence and you quickened your pace to reply. “I mean, I was in shock when I got to know that Moon Moon is Natsuki from STARISH, and I kinda…sorta… Got very surprised and threw my phone aside…”

Natsuki chuckled and rested his chin on his palm. “It’s a reflex action, and I didn’t find it offensive. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

You sat up and leaned on the wall beside your bed, bit the insides of your mouth to not swoon. “Okay…”

“So…” Natsuki looked at you. “What happened today? I could see your eyes are still red.”

You pulled your blanket towards you and hugged it with one hand, another still supporting your phone on your knees. “Well… Today… Something bad happened at work…”

“If you’re fine with it, I’m here to listen.”

You looked up and saw him looking at you attentively, giving you a small and reassuring smile. It did things to your heart and you started another word dump instinctively. “There’s this Sales manager who yelled at me when I was just the messenger in passing messages, and he shouted at me and demanded me to prepare some documents when it wasn’t even me who should be doing it.” You felt tears welling up in your eyes as you recalled what happened a few hours ago, calming yourself to sound as passive as you could.

“That’s bad… But that’s not all, is it?”

“He… He even had the galls to demand me to complete it today. A few moments later, another manager who had been helping me called him to negotiate the deadline. Guess what the Sales manager said?” You paused and scoffed at yourself, “He said that he was just frightening me so that I could start work earlier.” Your eyes could no longer hold the tears and you just buried your head in your blanket, unwilling to show this pathetic side of you to the guy who’s as bright and gentle as the sun. “Why would he do that…”

“I’m sorry that happened to you…” Natsuki said, his tone obviously upset. “It’s alright to cry it out. You don’t have to hold it in, just let it out. I’m here for you, alright?”

“’Kay…” You gave a short reply and continued sniffling in your blanket. You could still hear those voices booming in your head and you couldn’t help but break into sobs again, covering your arms over your head in a pathetic attempt to block those sounds out.

*

“There, there…” Natsuki kept his voice as soft as possible. Instead of anger, he felt pain and hopelessness for being unable to be by your side.

If you looked at your phone, you would see the frown on his face, how tight he pursed his lips. Most importantly, you would see how heartbroken he looked, as though someone had broken his precious treasure.

Natsuki rested his phone and looked around his desk to see if there’s something he could pull off. He found some papers and his stack of highlighters, and decided to make a “certificate”. He heard from Otoya that kids loved being recognized and this made their day happy, not to mention what you’re lacking right now was also recognition. And he was about to give all that he had to make you feel better.

*

Your sobs kinda died down, and you could hear some soft hums. You looked up at your phone and saw Natsuki with his face down and humming to your new favourite, Suki Suki Hanamaru. You remained as quiet as possible to see what he was doing over there.

Natsuki looked up and saw you looking into your phone intently. He pulled up the paper he was doodling on and on it was you (you think so, kinda, you had no idea who else it could be if it were not you) and by the side of it was a hanamaru. “You did well! And here’s a certificate for you!”

You broke into a smile, and you felt your heart squeezing a bit more than usual. You know you looked like a literal mess but you couldn’t really bother about it right now. All that caught your focus was the guy who spent an hour listening to you, coaxing you, and even rewarding you for holding this through. “Thank you, Natsuki.”

*

Anything for you, my guardian angel.

* * *

**First Meet**

Seriously, what are the chances of you becoming online friends with an idol? Close to zero.

Online friends with your favourite idol? You round up that percentage and you get a zero.

You slurped your chocolate drink with a blank look on your face and questioned the good and bad karmas that led you to him. Honestly, you still couldn’t wrap your head around how nice the universe treated you (except that thing with the sales manager), that you were saved both by the song and the singer himself.

You paused a while from drinking and switched your focus to the cream puff that was in front of you. You took a picture of it to commemorate how beautiful and heavenly it looked before you fed it to your growling stomach. Yums.

*

Unbeknownst to you, there was this guy who locked his golden eyes on you. He was wearing a beanie to cover his signature hair colour and a facemask to prevent himself from being recognized. And he was also thanking the universe for his weird craving for Shibuya Dessert’s chocolate cake. Else, he would’ve missed the chance to see you in real life.

You looked significantly better compared to the last time he saw you. Your lips slightly twitched upwards and your eyes were gleaming with mischief, probably plotting some minor chaos in your head. And he found it incredibly endearing.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Natsuki looked at the cashier and nodded. “Yes. I’d like a cup of hazelnut hot chocolate with caramel drizzle, please.”

“Understood. The total is 3,100 yen.”

He passed his membership card to pay, and asked for something else as well. “Can you lend me your marker pen? I’d like to leave a personal message on the cup of drink.”

With the pen in hand, he wrote another special message for you, decorated and framed with small flowers and fluffy sheep. “I wonder if she’ll like this…” Natsuki tried imagining your expression and smiled when he imagined your face lit up with starry glitters in your eyes.

*

You finished your drink and continued staring at the streets blankly with your chin in your hand. The other hand of yours absent-mindedly tapped according to the rhythm of the music that was playing in the shop. It was a nice piano cover of a pop song that you couldn’t register. Hmm, soothing.

You felt a soft tap at the back of your hand and you looked up to see a pair of gentle golden eyes looking at you. The guy put a cup of drink in front of you. “Your reward. It’s late, but I hope you’ll still accept it.”

You looked at the drink, and then him. “Reward?”

He pulled down his facemask to reveal himself. “Yep, reward.”

Your eyes were blown wide and you covered your mouth in surprise, letting out a whimper at how unbelievable things were.

Natsuki smiled and ruffled your hair. “Nice to see you, (Username)-chan. Maybe you can let me know your name the next time?”

You nodded.

His smile grew. “Alright. Talk to you later.”

You saw him leave the shop and hit your forehead at the table. You were blinded by his radiance. And you’ve even gotten a drink from him! Taking the cup in your hands, you realized that it wasn’t only a drink that you’ve gotten from him. There was also a message and a hanamaru.

Right. You weren’t only blinded, but you’ve also ascended. Life’s great. Amazing, in fact.

...

Dammit you have a crush on him.

*

Natsuki’s mood was obviously much better than yours. He hummed as he entered the practice room with his fresh stash of sugar. “Hey Tokiya-kun.”

“Natsuki.” The purple-head greeted as he did another stretch. “You’re in an awfully good mood today.”

“Yup!” The tall blonde nodded and changed into his training gears. “I met my guardian angel today!”

“Guardian angel?”

“Mhmm.” Natsuki looked up at the ceiling, trying to recall why he referred to you so as he started his stretching. “She treats people with kindness and sincerity, even if she doesn’t know them. If there’s anyone in distress, the first thing that’s on her mind was how could she help, instead of if she should help.”

Tokiya thought for a while before forming a reply, “If anything, that could only be considered as an angel. How did she become your guardian angel?”

“Because it was me that she helped.”

Natsuki paid no attention to the questioning look Tokiya was giving him. He was busy reminiscing the time when you gave weird suggestions to make him smile when you heard the strain in his voice, or when you gave him easy to bake recipes for yummy cookies.

The critical hit was probably the time you told him that you loved his songs, and how it helped her and many other people to cope with the daily adversaries they faced. Years of being an idol had trained him the ability to see through one’s intents, and your words were nothing but genuine.

Your words gave him courage to pick himself up from a minor slump, knowing that there were people out there who loved his songs. And that itself was the reason why he wanted to be in the music industry.

Natsuki got himself up for the dance practice when the music started playing. “And I shall not disappoint her trust in me.”

Not knowing what was going on in Natsuki’s mind, Tokiya could only nod. “All the best.”

* * *

**First Inner-Conflict**

Most people would feel some sort of bliss and fuwa fuwa-ness when they realized they have a crush, but not for you.

It hurts.

Maybe things would’ve been different if the person you’re crushing on was some regular office worker. Maybe not, you’re a mess who can’t handle feelings in the first place. But to think you’re having a crush on an idol. A full-fledged, all out, wanting to have a happy ending with him, hurts to even imagine yourself without him kinda crush.

And you know those feelings won’t be reciprocated.

Alright, let’s say if it is. What’s it gonna do? He’s an idol, and the place he belongs to is just… So far away from you! You wouldn’t be able to get close to him, you wouldn’t be able to hold hands with him in public, you wouldn’t be able to -

Either way, you still wouldn’t be able to be with him.

Your finger hovered over the app icon. You were doing your best in fighting the urge to uninstall the app because you’re a wimp who can’t deal with her feelings and is gonna resort to flight instead of fight. It’s not like there’s much to lose from an upfront fight (aka confession) other than leaving a terrible impression and maybe Natsuki would be uncomfortable to use apps like this anymore and stuff. Also, maybe losing some weight on you. Mhmm.

But most of all, you didn’t want to lose this new best friend of yours. He was the one who made you laugh, who pulled you up when you were in a slump, the one who shared his weird recipes, the one who made sure you’re keeping yourself hydrated, the one...you love.

And by the grace and power of the universe, you’d do your best to keep this crush a secret and not let it affect your lives. Both yours and his.

Yeah right.

*

Natsuki couldn’t get you out of his head. It was not a bad thing, but he had a hard time controlling himself from smiling or chuckling when he thought about you and your antics. And that worried the people around him, especially Syo.

“Kaoru,” Syo whispered in his brother’s ear when Kaoru dropped over for a visit. “Can you check out what’s wrong with Natsuki? Last night, he was at the water dispenser, and guess what? I saw him smile suddenly! It was at night and I swear it creeped the hell outta me!”

Kaoru had a bad feeling. He really didn’t want to deal with another mutual pining. It stressed him out a lot. At least Natsuki smiled, so it probably wasn’t pining. Probably.

“Kaoru-chan!” Natsuki greeted with his trademark smile. “I’ve made a new batch of cookies! Wanna try?”

Syo could feel his insides churning. “Prolly a new recipe from his new friend. I don’t think I could stomach this anymore…”

“I have pills for this. No worries.” Kaoru said, passing a warm cookie to his twin brother, himself biting into one of them as well.

The twins then had their eyes wide open. “This is… Actually good?!!”

“I know!” Natsuki smiled at their response, but he also caught on to something else they meant. “Wait, I’ve only made good things, so what do you two mean by that?”

Syo turned away from Natsuki’s accusing look, and the duty of replying fell on Kaoru’s shoulders. “I expected it to not be  _ as good _ as your previous baking, but it overturned my expectations.”

“Of course!” Natsuki helped himself onto the couch and bit into the freshly baked snack. Your recipe consisted of minimal ingredients, and you were there (via phone) to watch him mixing the exact amount of things needed. There was no way for him to mess things up. If anything, it was better. “Have to thank (Name)-chan for that!”

The twins immediately had the same snicker on their face. “Mind telling us who’s (Name)-chan?”

It took Natsuki a good twenty minutes when he could have done it in five, to introduce you and your deeds (including your mastery in baking and pranks and chaotic streak) to his best friends. “She’s amazing, isn’t she?”

Kaoru cringed. Natsuki had That Face™ when he introduced you, that face that shows how proud he was with you, how much faith he had in you, how happy he was with you. “Do you really like her that much?”

Natsuki’s smile mellowed.

The twin’s faces went serious. That was not a good sign.

“I do. I really like her, but I’m not sure if I should.” Natsuki reached out his hand to take a cookie, but stopped mid-air and took his hand back, proceeding to fumble with his fingers to ease his unnerving thoughts. “Since the agency said no dating, so I guess I should let go of these feelings…”

“Well,” Kaoru sighed, “At least you had your feelings sorted out, unlike some other people.”

Syo looked at his brother. “Who else around you hasn't got their feelings sorted out? Your coursemate?”

Kaoru replied to Syo with a smile, refusing to say anything more to him. “But then, Natsuki, idols are also human beings packed with emotions and feelings. You can’t deny what your heart craves for.”

Weirdly, your crying face was the first thing that popped up in Natsuki’s head. He remembered how your tears broke his heart, and he instinctively wanted to wrap you in his arms, to tell you everything would be fine. He wanted to be the one who can stay by your side, and you by his.

“So it’s alright for me to continue liking her?”

Kaoru scoffed. “Why wouldn’t it be? Liking someone and dating someone is different. Even if you find yourself wanting for more, just go ahead. I trust you enough to be able to manage your love life and career, even when it hurts so much.”

Syo eyed his younger brother. “Why do you sound like you’re the oldest among us all?”

“Because I’m the most rational out of us, and had experience with relationships.”

“wHAT?!!!”

* * *

**First Crack**

Things went slightly different since you both met each other in real life. You guys are now on a first name basis and have more to share about. For example, how Syo ran away from him when he finished his latest baking, or how the rest of STARISH banned him from entering the kitchen, or exchanging information on the latest goods from Shibuya Desserts. You even sneaked over to pass him some fresh bread you made.

Most of all, you two grew closer. There’s a new found emotional intimacy, where you two would call each other sometimes and leave the phone aside without talking. You both enjoyed the silence and presence of each other, but only you knew that it was your self-delusion of him by your side. You sure got yourself in deep.

Things were still manageable. Until the day it wasn’t.

You were sitting in front of your TV, watching a recording of his stage performance with Syo on the strings. There was absolutely no reason for you to have an anxiety attack over seeing how bright he was, but somehow, something in you broke, and you just couldn’t bring yourself to see him anymore.

You whipped out your phone and texted him,  _ Hey Nacchan, I know this is sudden but… I have not been doing well recently and… I think I’ll be taking a break from the app. You know my number so you can hit me up anytime if there’s anything urgent. I’m having issues with myself and I hope I could sort it out as soon as I can, and then I’ll return to you. _

Your eyes went watery again and you were fighting the impulse to delete the whole text because it sounded So Wrong. Still, there’s this weird force that made you send that message out.

You typed in an extra sentence before deleting the app from your phone, along with the entire chat history you both had for almost a year.

_ Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry I know sound like a douche rn for saying this but it isn’t your fault. It’s mine, and once I’ve fixed myself, I’ll come back to find you. _

Once again, you flung your phone into your blanket, buried your head in the pillow and let out a muffled scream. Why oh why did you do that. You made things a hundred times worse and irreparable with those texts. You loathe yourself.

You flopped your back onto the sheets and stared at the stars that were no longer glowing. It kinda reminded you that feelings can fade as well. And you would soon get over it.

That is, if Natsuki didn’t call you.

*

Natsuki’s grip on his phone tightened when he saw your message. For a split second, he thought he could no longer breathe, as though all air had been sucked out from his lungs. He had a gut feeling that you were slowly distancing from him. He thought that you were busy or having a down time. So he tried giving you space, sharing some memes or fluffy pictures of sheep when he found them.

However, you weren’t getting any better.

_ Was it his fault? _ He wondered. He tried recalling the various small moments of laughters and tears, and still he didn’t know what went wrong. It may be because his head was muddled up with how much he’s panicking over losing you.

Reading the texts you sent, he decided that he would wait no more. It was time for him to walk towards you, to let you know the thoughts that have been nagging in his head.

He hit the call button.

*

“(Name)-chan...”

You couldn’t help but smile the moment you heard his voice. “Hey, Nacchan…”

The both of you kept quiet because neither of you know what to say. What can be heard were only each other’s breathings.

“(Name), I want you to know I’m always here for you, and that you can turn to me anytime, even if it’s in the middle of the night or when I’m on stage.”

You bit back a laugh. “Nacchan, I’m not interested in ruining your entire idol career, nor would I ever have that thought.”

“Just letting you know. I know you’re too kind to do anything that would hurt others.”

You bit your lips to stop yourself from laughing. No. You’ve hurt people, especially people who cared for you. You’ve hurt him. You’ve hurt Shinomiya Natsuki. You’ve hurt him.

“Then, could you please tell him why you’ve hurt him?” Natsuki’s voice dragged you back to your senses.

You pressed your lips hard before throwing out a reply, “I did not voice out my thoughts verbally again, did I?”

“You certainly did.”

If your windows weren’t grilled you would’ve defenestrated yourself. But what’s said is said, and you owe Natsuki the truth.

“I know this sounds weird but…”

* * *

**First Confession**

“I know this sounds weird but… I’m in love with you.”

You let out a huge sigh of relief once you let out that huge stone that had been weighing on your heart. And you continued to let your word dump happen. “Told ’ja this sounds weird. I wouldn’t say much about knowing love but I know I don’t wanna lose you. However, these feelings have been messing up my head and my heart and if this goes on I’ll have another breakdown. So it’s either I hurt myself or help myself by hurting the both of us so that I can move on with my life.”

You paused for a while to process what you said, and you realized it didn’t make much sense. You huffed out a long sigh, letting your tone of voice to return to normal. “I’m so sorry with how verbally disoriented I am right now, but could you reject my confession?”

Natsuki didn’t reply.

You looked at your phone and the call was still on, which meant Natsuki was in shock. Yeah things got worse and it wouldn’t be the last time.

“Why should I reject your confession?”

You were perplexed. What did Nacchan mean by that?

Natsuki continued. “Why should I reject your confession when I feel the same about you?”

*

So this was what Kaoru-chan meant by even if it hurts. Natsuki thought to himself when he heard your voice trembling. He knew you tried hard in hiding it, but it was just plain obvious that you were not having an easy time.

It hurt the same for him too, to see you like that; to be dropped off like that. It felt like he choked on air, something banging his head and something in him just  _ broke _ . It hurts so much.  _ So much. _

“You what??”

Natsuki smiled, though it was a sad one. Time to lay everything on the table.

*

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Did Nacchan say-

“Why should I reject your confession when I feel the same about you?” Natsuki repeated. “I’m in love with you too, so there’s no reason for me to reject you, right?”

Your brain decided to crash and your mouth went dry, suddenly losing the ability to form words. “You- You’re in love with me. Too…?”

Natsuki let out a chuckle at your reaction. “Yes. Yes, I am in love with you too.”

Your eyes darted around the room quickly, trying to think up an appropriate response. But still, Brain Error 404.

“(Name)-chan…”

You heard the sigh in his voice and your heart rose a bit. “Yeah?”

“We’re kinda doing this the wrong way, aren’t we?”

You could hear the smile and warmth in his voice, maybe with a tinge of exasperation as well, and you felt yourself going pliant. “Maybe? Kinda?”

“Still, I would appreciate it if you would think this through, okay?” Natsuki paused for a while to rearrange his words before continuing, “I’ve fallen for you for quite a while, and it made me happy that you feel the same. But it also made me upset that you decided to just put a hold on our relationship one-sidedly.”

You sat up straight and apologized.

“What upset me the most was not that, but how lightly you take yourself. You have to know that you’re worth much more than you think, and I should be the one who’s afraid of confessing to you.”

The cogs in your brain gave up functioning and you couldn’t think anymore. “Why would you say so?”

“I’m an idol, and my job is to shine on the stage. But the life of an idol isn’t a bed of roses. I get stressed up, worried over the smallest things easily. And you were there for me. Your words get me through my days and I can’t imagine myself losing you.”

You clenched your fist and you felt your heart being gripped by an unknown force. “I- I never know that…”

A flop was heard, and you assumed it was Natsuki falling onto his bed. “We have a lot to talk out, don’t we?”

“Yeah, we do…” You let yourself fall onto the bed and hugged the sheep plushie Natsuki gave you.

“Wanna meet up at Shibuya Desserts? They have new cookies coming out this weekend.”

“Sounds great.”

* * *

**First Hug**

It was not the first time you both met each other. You two constantly found time to meet each other for snacking trips and baking classes. However, it’s the first that you two sat down and talked about the feelings you had for each other.

Natsuki broke the awkward silence (as he himself was unaware of it). “So, we’ve been kinda doing this on the phone but I’d like to tell you in person that I’m in love with you. And I’d like to ask if you would be my girlfriend.”

Your breath hitched. You knew he’s straightforward but never did you expect him to be going straight for the guns. “I… Uh…”

“It’s alright, take your time.” Natsuki replied gently. “Let me know what you’re afraid of, and then we’ll work from there.”

“What about your idol career?” You whispered. “Your agency said that there’s a no dating rule, right?”

“By the exact words of Ren, I quote and repeat: rules are meant to be broken.”

“Pfft.” You covered your mouth to muffle the laugh that almost escaped your mouth as you crouched over. “I’m not surprised. That sounds like what he’d say.”

Natsuki smiled tenderly and gently ruffled your hair. “Besides, they’ve been wanting to see you, saying that your baking is the totally opposite of mine.”

“They ate it??”

“Yup.” Natsuki nodded. “I only managed to have two when Syo saw it and he dragged the rest to finish them up.”

“Oh… Wow…” You’re still wrapping your head around everything that has happened. But hey, anything can happen. That’s the rule of the universe, things are bound to fall in place.

“So?”

You looked up at him. “Can we try things out slowly?”

“Of course, (Name)-chan!”

“Also…”

“Hmm?” Natsuki looked at you, waiting for your next sentence.

You started to feel embarrassed with what you wanted to say, so you brushed it off. “Nah, it’s nothing.”

“(Name)-chan.” Natsuki squeezed your hands. “I don’t necessarily need to be your boyfriend to know your nothing is something. So tell me, what’s wrong?”

“I uh…” You took in a deep breath, and exhaled it out. “Can I ask for a hug?”

Natsuki stood up, went to your seat and gave you a tight hug. “Anytime.”

“Thank you…” You hugged back, glad that you now have a place of warmth to turn to. Things will be fine, you told yourself. Because it’s Shinomiya Natsuki you fell in love with. It will all be fine.

-fin-

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sleepy when I post this. So bear with me ig.
> 
> Also, just to let y'all know. I've been screeching and questioning myself, as well as challenging my friend's sanity with my screeches throughout the entire *counts fingers* three days of writing this.  
> I aimed for it to be 5k words but... wELP LOOK WHERE WE ARE RN
> 
> And now, I shall go back to sleep, nights.  
> Nah jk I'm still at work.
> 
> Also, TALK TO MEEEEEEE YELL WITH MEEEEEEEE


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